Cartoons never get old.

In no particular order, I give you a list of my best-seen animated movies.

1. Iron Giant (1999)

Surprisingly, Vin Diesel did Iron Giant’s voice.

The Iron Giant is about a boy who makes friends with a piece of alien metal. However, the government is against it. The boy becomes the alien’s friend and…

You know what I love with this movie? The lines and the way a giant alien is pictured without causing much intimidation.

Iron Giant: “Hogarth, you stay. I go. No following.”

I cried. The movie stirred my emotions. After finishing the movie I so much wanted to make an iron friend out of scrap metal. Yes, seriously.

How I wish the Iron Giant were real. The movie proves that not all friendly creatures are cuddly; sometimes they rust.

2. Monsters Vs Aliens (2009)

Who wouldn’t love these monsters?

Monsters vs Aliens was shown right in time, a few days/weeks after the horrible Know1ng was shown nationwide. This animated movie wiped off all my anger brought by Nick.

What happens when an alien squid tries to destroy our planet? We seek the help of monsters, including Ginormica. She became a monster during her wedding day. Yebah.

This movie made me respect cockroaches for about five minutes. The movie made me laugh a lot, without thinking why I was doing it. I just can’t take my eyes off B.O.B.

What’s cute is, Monsters Vs Aliens has a pinch of twisted romance between Susan/Ginormica and a douchebag. The revenge is sweet at the ending.

This movie has an excellent animation too.

3. The Simpsons Movie (2007)

We all love the Simpsons since the time our parents were still preventing us from watching its episodes. We love the Simpsons more when they appeared on a movie.

Everything is classic in this full-length animated movie. The opening caught my interest because of Bart’s chalkboard gag that says “I will not download this movie illegally”. Springfield is shown and voila, my eyes widened.

There were many gags. I can’t name them all in one blog but I have a list of my favorites:

- Spider-pig

- Green Day/Titanic

- American Idiot Funeral Version

- Bart’s Weener

- That Nome incident

- Bountiful Penis and Satan’s Curly Hair

I still hope Maggie’s first word would be real. “Sequel?”

4. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut (1999)
I watched this full-length movie before I completed all South Park episodes.

This movie isn’t for children. We all understand that these construction paper cutouts are cute but nasty, just the way we like it. If you’re the close-minded type of person, five minutes of this movie will make you sick.

I love South Park. I love the way Matt and Trey brutally hit icons (Saddam Hussein, Satan, Clinton, Canadians and the Baldwins) which is just for fun. Amid all these gags, can you squeeze some lesson from the movie? I can.

- Don’t star in a scheize movie because your kid can see you on the internet.

- Fart jokes are not funny…  except when Terrance and Phillip do them.

- Satan is gay.

- Blame Canada when you have no one else to blame.

5. Coraline (2009)

Coraline is based on Neil Gaiman’s best-selling novel of the same title.

Unlike the other animated movies I’ve seen, this one is a bit dark and wicked. What is so special about this movie is that it is beyond my imagination. The director and the author’s creative minds were combined to make a marriage between the dark side and the otherwise colorful and playful world.

Coraline is a young girl, who’s apparently deprived of parents’ attention. She seeks love and caring through another world but she ought to turn back…

I wish I have read the book, but it’s okay; the movie can stand alone.

One more thing: the music maybe is disturbing, but it’s clever. You should listen to it during the movie for you to appreciate.

6. Rugrats in Paris (2000)

Two words: cute babies.

This movie is sweet. I can’t forget spoiled Angelica’s antics and the voices of the other babies.

This time in France. Chuckie finds a mother to take care of him and his dad. Everything else is pretty predictable, except Angelica, who’s too spoiled to handle.

I can’t forget the scene where Angelica was in the plane, listening to the remix of T-Boz’ My Getaway, and the scene where does karaoke dance with some Japanese men.

Rugrats in Paris is a movie for all ages. I recommend this if you’re in for some cute Nickelodeon shenanigans.

Them babies are so cute.

7. Mulan (1998)

Wow, an Asian heroine in a Disney movie! Surely no pun intended.

Mulan is great in many ways. She doesn’t adhere to the Chinese traditions and she is klutzy.

Disney’s version of this Chinese tale (or is this historical?) shows a graceful Fa Mulan having deep love and respect for her father. Instead of bringing honor by marriage, she disguises herself as a boy to be qualified in the army. She learns how to fight and uses her resourcefulness to beat the Huns.

Mulan is a proof that women can do more than cooking and staying in the house. I don’t know if this has something to do with feministic approaches, but it’s a beautiful message.

I love the songs in the movie, especially the one that asks “how can I make a man out of you?”

I didn’t like its sequel that much, but it’s not that bad anyway.

8. Shrek (2001)

This first installment of Shrek made me cry. Don’t ask if I’m emotionally unstable while watching because I’m not. I was touched.

What do creatures usually do when they see an ogre in the forest? They scram. Ogres are ment to be nasty and wild but Shrek here isn’t.

He was given a choice on whom to save among damsels in distress. He chooses Princess Fiona. He eventually finds out that she is too good to be true, but the story doesn’t end there.

This tale disproves the fact that all heroes and princesses are beautiful. Some of them are green and ugly.

The second and third installations are awesome too.

9. The Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

Stop-motion movies are not that easy to make. I give this movie a thumbs up for that.

Plus Meryl Streep voiced Mrs. Fox.

The movie makes a lot of sense: foxes are meant to be wild, which is why Mr. Fox couldn’t resist stealing chickens and risking his life for his family. However, because of this he and his family were put into deep trouble. He then finds a way to get back on those cruel farmers and redeem his reputation as a father, uncle and wife.

He wants to be fantastic and truly, he is. He loses his tail but never loses his family.

This is a movie about marriage and family. Of foxes.

I wonder how those ciders taste like. I’d love to swim in those.

10. The Princess and the Frog (2009)

Tiana  is the first-ever African-American Disney princess.

Disney did a great job in setting this movie in the jazz era, plus showcasing other Disney princesses at the beginning.

I thought it’s another fairytale consisting of a very handsome and bloody rich prince but no, The Princess and the Frog veers away from that traditional thought simply by changing the story. Here, Prince Naveen is broke and is a frog.

I love the songs. It matches the jazz era, plus the trademark of African-American singers (having a really strong voice) is well-showcased.

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I give you the second part of my movie shit list.

6. The Day the Earth Stood Still.
The movie’s message: it’s Keanu Reeves.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a remake from the 1951 movie of the same title. It’s an alien movie with a cool introduction.

I don’t know whether I was pissed or just bored inside the movie house. I was expecting for a deeper sense in the movie since the introduction made me anticipate.

So what, animals are being saved from monsters otherwise known as human beings? Aliens save the earth and eliminate humans because they think we destroy the planet. Ridiculous. If Keanu Reeves didn’t look oh-so-stunning in the movie, I would have walked out as early as its first half.

The giant robot reminds me of the then-GMA 7 icon (“Bakalman” as the cast of Ober Da Bakod puts it). Pure disappointment. Even Keanu.

7. Know1ng

I’ve already written a movie review about Know1ng. After watching it, I swore to myself never to watch it again.

I was raving about its trailer a year before its release since it stars Nick and it deals with numbers. This movie has a fascinating trailer that will leave you amazed. I feel like I was victimized because I was fooled.

The movie has an awesome first half and an awful ending.

It’s also one of the movies with awesome poster but crappy content.

Just read my review because I don’t ever wanna recall every single detail about this 2009 flop.

8. The Final Destination 4.

Movies about gore is cool, but doing them more than thrice is not.

The Final Destination 4 is just an outlet for brutal minds to express their creative thinking on the death of human beings… the fourth time.

Devon Sawa did one hell of a job in the first FD movie and that’s just about it.

Knowing a bit of physics, some stunts are not possible but, oh well, it’s a movie, a stupid movie. The fourth time.

I wonder how it became a hit in the US.

Death is coming. Death has been coming and it’s just the fourth time.

If producers ever make a fifth FD movie, I don’t know, but I’ll probably warn everyone not to watch it.

9. Mr. Bean’s Holiday.

Talk about a silly man in a silly TV show/cartoons/movie.

A little does of Mr. Bean is fine. Farce and no-brainer shows are healthy in fair amounts, but to make a full-length movie about them is mental abuse.

Isn’t it so stupefying to see the same dumb man doing the same shit for more than an hour?

I sort of liked the previous Bean movie (the one about Whistler’s Mother) because it has some sense. This one doesn’t.

Rowan Atkinson better stop making movies and focus on short episodes of Mr. Bean.

That’s about it.

10. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

If we’re playing a Final Fantasy odd man out, this is the one we’re eliminating.

As Derek the Final Fantasy fanatic puts it, the movie has nothing to do with FF. If you’ve seen at least one Starship Troopers movie, you’ll realize that this FF movie is nothing but its revival.

Final Fantasy’s supposed to deal with its nature, not aliens and bugs and whatnot. I wonder what has gotten into the mind of this movie’s producer that he veered away from FF’s true nature.

Falling asleep amid the movie is also a message that says “it’s boring. Shoulda watched Starship Troopers and anticipated for the Brainbug probe that was censored on the last part of the movie, demmet!”

The list doesn’t end here.

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I am never watching a movie without hearing or reading about its reviews. I never learned my lesson, which is why I end up ranting about the movie after the tail credits. To give you guys a favor, I now give you my movie shit list part 1.

Legion has become an addition to my shit list. I thought the movie has some creepy Biblical interpretation of God’s wrath, but no. It just has demonic angels, and two archangels battling over what they believe in. At first I thought it was blasphemous to interpret apocalypse in a gory and morbid kind of way, but I give the director the freewill. Even if the director sent more creepy angels to possess mankind and torture the audience, still Legion won’t make it to my A-list.

It’s possible that I am just biased because the movie contains scenes not suitable for pregnant women who love their child very much. However, even if I’m not pregnant, I would still find it crappy to characterize an old lady as a demon angel-possessed entity trying to kill a baby.

I give this movie a 1/5. 1 for choosing the perfect setting for demons angels to bombard.

The next movie in my shit list is Superbad.

Superbad is super bad. I’m not really a fan of Hill-Cera movies (except Kocked Up because it starred one of my all-time female crushes Katherine Heigl). I don’t know what’s the point in watching a movie made entirely of awfulness and booze. I’m just not into no-brainer movies anymore (that if I watch Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion for the first time today, I’d throw away its CD). I felt stupid the entire movie.

I give it a 1/5. 1 for Mclovin and his fake ID.

The Spy Next Door is in this list too.

Oh yes it’s *echo*Jackie Chan! But why would somebody make a carbon-copy of Vin Diesel’s The Pacifier? Just why? The plot and characterizations are the same but this time, instead of starring a duck, the movie starred a pig.

Yeah, it’s *echo* Jackie Chan but watching him just felt like watching Vin Diesel doing martial arts. I somehow lost respect for *echo* Jackie Chan for this.

And by the way, ducks do it better than pigs.

Fourth is The Zodiac.

The biggest irony about this movie is that it’s based on true events. How can life be so mysteriously boring? If the events were portrayed in a non-boring way, the movie would have been good.

I’m trying to recall some details about the movie but all I remember was feeling utterly bored. I wasted more than an hour figuring out who the Zodiac is.

One thing I learned from this movie is “don’t judge a movie by its poster”.

I give it a 1/5. 1 for the outstanding showcase of how the 60’s looked like.

The Mist.

Stephen King, I don’t really like you.

The Mist is another alien-meets-mankind movie. It’s creepy on the first part, because of the mist that mystifies every audience. While watching for the first time you may ask “what could be in the mist?” I just gave out the answer.

Okay, it’s an alien movie. Alien movies are supposed to be good. It’s normal for then to mutilate human bodies and squeeze their blood out, but what’s not normal is the ending. It is the worst ending written in the history of bad endings.

The Mist. A clever title with a clever poster. It is a failed attempt to make another blockbuster alien movie. Had I been curious enough, I would have skipped to the last five minutes of the movie and suited myself. That way I shoouldn’t have wasted roughly two hours.

I give it 1/5. 1 for the mist, which is supposed to be cool during the entire movie.

Enough with the part 1. I’m taking a good afternoon’s rest, which includes clearing my brain from these five crappy movies.

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Dear Chooks Management,

First of all, thank you. Your product has been driving traffic to my site ever since I posted my Chooks food review. However, I feel like I’m in serious trouble because I cannot answer all my readers’ queries about Chooks. I can only share how great your product is, but I cannot tell them the branches or franchise information. Why? Because I simply do not know.

If it isn’t too much to ask, can you just give me a list of your branches all over the Philippines? You can do so by posting a reply to this blog post, or sending me an email to sheenah(dot)tan(at)gmail(dot)com. That way, more and more people will discover the wonders of your product.

Thank you and more power.

Sincerely yours,

Sheenah

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FOOD RATING: 5/5

from Chooks to Go's Facebook Profile

Apologies for not providing an actual photo of the product. Why bother take a photo when I can just grab this delightful chicken treat and put it inside my mouth?

Chooks-to-Go is a brand from Bounty Fresh, a known manufacturer of products like chicken. It has taken its chicken product to a higher level by producing the oven-cooked Chooks-to-Go.

Part of Chooks-to-Go’s slogan is eating it bare, meaning, without the sauce. True enough, there is no need for any condiment since this product is as good as it is.

My dad, who is extremely choosy with food he eats, now defines “lechong manok” as “Chooks” since it instantly became his favorite. He spread the word to the family and everyone’s enjoying this chicken treat at times.

Without the need for sarsa (sauce), I didn’t bother finding a saucer and pour massive amounts of sauce (I sometimes feed on sauce alone) to go with my chicken. The roasted chicken is so tasty even on the inside. I can see the flavor well-distributed, and the skin (oh cholesterol!) well-roasted. A typical lechong manok would have burned portions.

Pam and I have been talking about joining the Chooks-to-Go contest and even thinking of how to spend the proceeds shoud we win. We heard that there’s a contest. The mechanics are here.

Anyway, Chooks is the best roasted chicken I’ve tasted by far. Sadly there aren’t any branch here in Makati. Los Baños has two. I’d like to spread this word to everyone so that there will be branches in Makati and other areas.

I give this treat a perfect five.

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MOVIE RATING: 2/5

WATCH OUT FOR POSSIBLE SPOILERS!

I am talking about Roland Emmerich’s 2012 not the other torrent downloadable Doomsday.

Before watching the movie (even before having my ticket reserved), I predicted that 2012 is going to have really really good visual effects. That these effects are going to rock the movie house or scare the hell out of people in Imax. I was curious on the movie’s take on the end of our world.

2012 is starred by John Cusack (1408, Serendipity) who plays Jackson Curtis, an underrated novelist. However, the movie does not start with him. It starts with India. In the movie India plays a very important role: it is where the studies about geology are being held (believe it or not).

China plays a vital role in the movie. For the very first time I felt proud that the country was given such important role (I’m proud to be Chinese!) of supplying the manpower for a very big project.

And so where do these lead? To Jackson. Jackson is a divorced and messed up writer who discovers the instability of a certain place in America, leading him to discover that the world is going to end in a matter of days.

A bit later in the movie we can see massive earthquakes, lava, people being killed like ants, and the White House.

So what made Jackson special? He is lucky. There is a part in the movie wherein he (with his ex-wife, two children and ex-wife’s husband) is being chased by collapsing land (he’s driving a limo – then an RV) but he is able to dodge his car. If I were playing a video game, I would have ended falling in big cracks or flying my car. Jackson is a lucky man.

Here’s the narrative part of the story:

(SELECT THE TEXT BELOW FOR POSSIBLE SPOILERS)

Jackson saves his family by all means possible.

The US government chooses only a few people to save based on their genetic potentials.

The President of the US chooses to stay in the White House to die.

Chosen people are taken to the Chinese big project – a set of massive ships that can resist tidal waves and stuff. I say Noah’s Ark.

Injustice happens.

A little dog does not die; her person-mom does, as well as billions of people. This little dog takes up more than a minute of the movie. People are just wiped out by tsunamis.

Chinese men, along with the ex-wife’s husband get crushed in the ship’s gate. Jackson saves his family and gets back to his ex-wife.

The world is wiped out. Some people are saved.

The ship where the actors are almost get crushed.

The sun shines.

Mankind starts a new life in a now giant continent otherwise known as Africa.

Happy ending.

So where do the Mayans go? They take about two minutes of the movie, in a silly animation a crazy guy made. I would have appreciated it if the movie gave more importance to these people, who, by the way, were the ones who studied and said that the world is going to end sometime in December 2012; and who, by the way, could make the movie all the more believable.

My expectation of experiencing great effects was met. However, I did not come to the movie house to just experience the effects. I came there to watch a movie. Okay, the story sucks. It’s nothing unusual (except that China is given an emphasis and India is… nevermind.)

I came out of the movie house partially enraged. I was not moved at all. At least 2012 is a lot more not-bad compared to The Day the Earth Stood Still, and the biggest joke movie I have seen in 2009 so far, Know1ng. Still, it is a bad movie.

The Day After Tomorrow has a happy ending, too.

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