I haven’t given birth yet. Thanks to Nurse Nilda for introducing the term “primigravida” or “nanganganay” (first child pregnancy) to me. She added that first children are mostly born late. That explains why Danah hasn’t still shown signs of coming out.

I began feeling pelvic pains two weeks ago. Mama Lloyd (helper) and Dave thought I was going to give birth that time so we stayed in my parents’ house overnight. Everybody was excited.

Dave thought of sending me to the hospital several times. I firmly said no, since I have had enough horror stories from moms who had false labor. Imagine eating hospital food.

I checked with my OB last Friday and she said my cervix is still closed. She said I have about a week or two before I give birth. The pelvic pains are caused by my heavy tummy. Well, yes, I’m 135 pounds heavy, seven pounds heavier than last week.

Everything is all-set now. Dave made amends on his PhilHealth membership, we have already acquired the doctor’s admitting instructions, our things are now inside the car, and personally, I’m ready to face whatever amount of pain delivery might give me.

I am on a strict diet now (although Dave can’t bear the fact that I become hungry and remain that way). It’s a big dilemma for me since I look skinnier yet I weigh heavier. All the nutrients I take go to Danah (vitamins, food) but amazingly, she isn’t that big. I think my tummy is filled with water too.

As much as I want to walk a lot, I’m afraid my pelvic pain is too much to bear. Dave gave me his Power Balance since it always looks like I’m going to fall everytime I walk.

I am proud to say that I haven’t had swollen feet yet (and I hope I never will). It’s quite saddening to see lots of stretch marks on my tummy, but I believe that those stretch marks are my trophy for carrying a child (and being a mom in the very near future). I suffered from leg cramps (which Mama Lloyd says are natural).

I’m glad Dave and Mama Lloyd are always there for me. Despite the pain I feel at times, I feel secured knowing that they are going to take care of me, and in a few days, of Baby Danah.

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My husband and I decided to just settle down in Los Banos, a province in Laguna known as the “Science and Nature City”.

I was sad when we left Manila. I couldn’t even pack our things very well. Dave made sure that we have made most out of our last week in the city so we went out every night to pig out, watch movies, shop, and just savor the smell of the malls. We we’re pointing at particular places and saying “we’re gonna miss this.”

Now going to Manila makes me feel like a child going on a field trip in the big city.

This has happened to me before, when I used to commute all the way from Los Banos to Manila for my Master’s. I didn’t mind the stress of taking a bus, then taking two trains just to get to the graduate school; it’s like I’m indulging in the mixture of sweat and city-feel. You cannot blame someone who’s been tied up to the province for almost a quarter of her life (assuming that I live for a hundred years, haha).

I got to enjoy the little things the big city gave me — good or bad, are worth smiling for. It brought me two of the most important people in my life: my husband and our little girl.

I kind of admit that I get bored in the province. My husband has given me a new lifestyle in the big city, which is way too different from what we have now. We were mall rats, movie buffs, steak fans, and we socialized very well by means of late-night dinners and drinking sessions (but we were not party animals for Pete’s sake!) We two enjoyed almost all the alcoholic drinks in a bar in Makati that going home both drunk was not unusual for us. There was once an instance when we couldn’t get home since we had no cash left and all the ATMs were down.

I can’t compare the big city to the province. Each has its pros and cons and feeling constantly bad about going back to where I was raised is like turning my back against my past. There are still reasons for me to love my province yet the thought of being in the big city is much, much more exciting for me.

I’m about to give birth anytime so I’m hoping this is just some pregnancy blues. My actions are limited to walking, sleeping, eating, writing (for a living) and attaching myself to our friends via internet.

We are not certain if we’re going back to the big city soon or we’re ever gonna go back there. There are lots of things to miss, but surely when our little girl comes out, we wouldn’t care about where we are — for as long as we three are together.

Definitely we’re taking our little girl to the big city often when the right time comes.

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“Anytime”. That’s what I tell my friends whenever they ask about Danah’s birth date. Yes, everyone’s waiting for her arrival, but personally Dave and I still want her to arrive a bit later.

We believe we still haven’t finalized everything. Although my hospital expenses are already secured, there are a few things which make us quite nervous:

1. Have we bought enough stuff for baby? It’s suffice to say she has more than what she can wear for a couple of weeks, but there are other things like feeding bottles, nappies, sterilizer, a plastic drawer, et cetera.

2. Is her room clean enough for her? I don’t think so. Dave has been very busy with the room design, which includes repainting, ceiling redecorations, flooring, and making sure the baby’s room is well-ventilated. As of now the room is partially filled with unpacked boxes and an unpleasant smell left by the previous tenant.

3. Do we have enough knowledge about baby stuff? Like how to properly sterilize a bottle, how to make a baby burp, what to do when she cries and how to deal with her mood. I have washed most of Danah’s clothes, mittens, booties and blankets, but when she comes out, these things will just last for a couple of days.

4. Are we ready to go overtime in baby sitting? Sure, my yaya (the one whom I became really attached to when I was young) is going to help us with chores (thanks to nanay for finding her after two decades) but taking care of Danah is primarily my job (and Dave’s job). People say we have to get used to waking up at the wee hours to change her diaper or feed her. I don’t really mind, but is my body ready for it?

5. Are we ready to deal with people who believe in the customs? I remember my sister hiding her son Zeus inside the car since a lot of old-fashioned people put their saliva on the poor baby’s forehead and tummy to prevent usog, or the inexplicable and sudden baby illness. I simply can’t handle that yet, lest people tag me as suplada (snob). I don’t mind if they call me over-protective; every passionate mom is.

Dave and I are really excited and nervous about Danah’s birth. But if we were to decide on her birth date, we prefer having her delivered at the end of July.

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We just can’t describe the feeling of finally seeing Danah. Every word related to happiness and joy comes along.

I feel Danah growing inside me. She’s becoming participative which makes it easy for me to walk and do a lot of things. Everytime Dave would place his hands on my tummy, Danah would twitch. Ah, the joy.

Tomorrow is Dave’s birthday. This will be the first time Dave will be celebrating his birthday with the family of his own — us, and I feel nothing but happy for him. He has worked so hard to ensure our safety, and now he’s working even harder to give us a good life.

We’re doing some big decisions right now. We’re not that sure if they’re worth it, but we know it’s all for Danah’s best.

Today is the start of our last week in Manila. We’re moving to Los Banos since we believe Danah will be raised well here (but she’s still going to be born in Manila). I like the idea but giving up the urban life seems a bit hard. Rest assured that our careers won’t be sacrificed. Dave and I have to do a lot of parenting and after that, we’ll go back to where we left.

I’m close to my 8th month of pregnancy and so far I’m doing great. I look thinner and paler but it’s a good sign that Danah is getting all the nutrients I take.

Anyway, Dave and I will be very busy hauling our things to the province and getting ready for our little angel.

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I’m down to my last trimester of pregnancy. Dave and I cannot aptly describe the feeling of finally (actually close to finally) having a baby girl.

Entering motherhood entails a lot of adjustments and changes. I feel like I took my mom for granted when I was young and I feel utterly guilty for that. Now that it’s my turn to be a mom, I realized the pains my mom went just to make sure I and my sisters are all okay.

Before Danah was conceived,  all we thought were spending a big part of our salary on thingswe want (and not really need). Dave overspent on me. I spent my money to finance my seemingly insatiable need to buy everything I lacked when I wasn’t earning my own money. That included a flat screen TV, toys, stuff for Dave, and a few bags (I dislike buying expensive clothes and shoes). Dave did the same. He bought lots of toys, clothes, shoes, and stuff I wanted (and barely needed). Dave bought his laptop a couple of weeks after Danah was conceived. We were just right on time on quitting our overspending.

Now that our little Danah is closer to coming out of this world, all Dave and I ever do is to think of what she will need (and want). Our mall trips become much more frequent than before since we like to spend time on the baby section.

I overheard Dave’s conversation with a fellow SEO that his short term goal is to have his “little angel” delivered normally, and that his long term goal is to raise our children well (and to have a stable business to finance their needs). I remember that during my first few job interviews, all I answered to the same questions were “I honestly don’t know” and “I have yet to figure that out.” Now, it’s changed. Dave and I are entering parenthood and it’s crystal clear that our goals are mainly focused on our family, especially our kids.

Here are a few instances that justify the changes in us:

1. Dave learned how to cook. He got his chest burned with cooking oil. I got my face and arms blistered, too. We don’t mind.

2. All we talk about when he gets home is Danah.

3. I take a few bites but my diet discipline is much much stricter. That’s because there’s a baby inside me.

4. I browse for recipes, pregnancy facts, baby care, and I love to befriend doctors online.

5. Dave can finally get through a day even with a few hours of sleep. Sometimes he wakes up at night when I complain about my back, or about Danah kicking my ribs, or about my pregnancy blues.

6. Dave browses for cars online. He wants to get a car to make sure Danah will be safe during trips.

7. We are willing to give up our careers to raise Danah well. I will elaborate on this in time…

It may sound so overused, but we will give everything to Danah and our future kids. Yes, everything. We don’t know what sort of ‘everything’ that would be, but definitely it includes our happiness.

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Dave and I are really excited for our first baby’s arrival, which is why we’re now into planning on how her room will look like.

Little did you know that Dave used to paint. I also have painted a few murals. Dave and I both decided that her room will be orange. We don’t like pink very much.

I was browsing for the perfect crib for Danah. I couldn’t find any orange crib being sold locally so we have to take a safe trip to the mall to find one. I prefer a crib with a rocker. I want her crib to have a canopy for mosquito net, and I want it as stylish as possible. We’re still going to see more actual cribs.

We’ll decorate her room with her name, perhaps in baby blocks or glamour style. We’ve still yet to decide whether or not the room is going to be very baby-ish or modern (with vectors and monochromatic colors).

I am personally going to design a small photo studio for her photographs. A friend told me that Danah is going be one of the most photographed babies (I don’t know up to what extent) and I’m going make that possible.

We will start decorating her room once we get the basic things she needs:

1. Crib (orange in color; with mosquito net; preferably with a rocker)

2. Mobile playset (I hope there’s music that plays Pachelbel’s Canon or Bach’s Air for G String)

3. Feeding bottles

4. Clothes (a few hand-me-downs from Zeus and a few more from her godparents and us) and accessories (mittens, booties, hood, etc)

5. Bath set (tub, sponge, net, mat, baby wash, towels)

6. Cabinet (orange too)

7. Toys and pillows

8. Bottle sterilizer

9. Baby kit (wipes, digital thermometer, clipper, powder)

10. Other baby stuff (her godparents would love to give her *wink* )

Thanks to Jemima for giving me a heads up on basic baby stuff.

We’re planning to hold the baby shower in May, but we’re still going to make some necessary arrangements. Nanay and Danah are doing perfectly fine — no more pains, although she’s still positioned on my abdomen. She’s getting more active as days pass by and it’s a good indicator that she’s okay.

I am just too excited to write more about our princess. I’ll just keep you all updated.

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I was never a fan of makeups, clothes and beauty products before. Maybe that’s because I’ve always been busy playing with my band, writing stuff online, taking pictures, trying to make music… But now that I’m on a hiatus, I suddenly realized that I need to do something about the way I look.

My goal is everybody’s goal: to look nice.

The doctor discouraged me from wearing makeup. I don’t wear too much makeup; just a few touches to make me look okay. So I gave away my kit, including my pink Dior makeup kit given by my sister.

I talked to other moms about wearing makeup. They said if it makes me feel better, then why not? They wore makeup too when they were pregnant. How were they supposed to come to work without any makeup on? So fine, I’ll wear makeup.

I really don’t look good without any makeup on. I’m yellow and pale. Thank goodness my cousin gave me lipstick and mascara. I unpacked my things last night and found an Ever Bilena kit.

I also have the urge to smell nice, which is why I’m looking for Bath and Body Works’ Winter White Fresh. The smell is sex! And that’s the only smell I want now.

Apart from wearing makeup, I’m rediscovering my sense of style. None of my old clothes fit anymore so I gotta get new ones.

I dread the postpartum depression doctors have been warning me about. I feel like I’m most likely to have it since as early as now I’m having emotion difficulties. The key to avoiding it is to feel good about myself, with the support from people around me (ehem!) Would looking nice be one of the solutions? It will help. Maybe.

So here’s to a nice-looking mommy.

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My family, friends and relatives are placing their bets on whether our baby is a boy or a girl. Since it’s too early to determine, we’re enjoying the thrill of guessing through signs.

1. I have dark spots (old people say it’s a boy. BOY=1)
2. My tummy is round. (old people say it’s a girl. GIRL=1)
3. My baby stays and plays on the lower right portion of my tummy. (old people say it’s a girl. GIRL=2)
4. I had the worst case of food craving and mood swings during first trimester. (old people say it’s a boy. BOY=2)
5. I eat anything in my 2nd trimester. (old people say it’s a boy. BOY=3)
6. My tummy is too cute. (old people say it’s a girl. GIRL=3)
7. My baby is very playful. (old people say it’s a boy. BOY=4)
8. I look naturally pretty, even without makeup. (old people say it’s a girl. GIRL=4)
9. I never had any pregnancy problem. (old people say it’s a girl. GIRL=5)
10. My face doesn’t look bloated. (old people say it’s a boy. BOY=5)

It’s a tie. Although these sayings have no bases, we’re enjoying the fun of arguing. I myself have no clue, neither does Dave. But whatever God will give us, we’ll surely be very very happy about it.

What do we name our kid? If he’s a he, he will become Chad Cedric. Chad is Chin and Dave combined. Cedric is an ancient name Dave and I both agreed to be a good one. Plus, it is close to the name of Dave’s dad (Rico).

If she’s a she, we name her Danah Louise. Danah is Dave and Sheenah (yes, with an ‘H’!!!) combined. Louise (silent ‘S’) is the closest classical name to my mom’s name (Luz).

Whether our baby becomes Chad Cedric or Danah Louise, Dave and I are very sure that he or she is going to look really good. Let’s just wait!

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…or “Miss Tan” as my professors and instructors in Lyceum would fondly call me. I somehow got the feeling that I was the one and only, the notorious “Miss Tan” in our campus. I secretly indulged in that fact.

I was talking to one of my favorite professors in UPLB and he said “you’re getting married? So it’s goodbye, Sheenah Tan now?” I jokingly replied “Yes sir, finally, no more funny Sheenah B. Tan.”

So true.

Ever since I went to school, my classmates always called me “sinabitan” or “ginatan” or “bitan”. I never really liked the idea of playing with my name that I started to hate it, even when I was five.

Twenty years after, I’m finally having my dream come true: a change in my name. I used to think that there are only two ways on how to resolve my ugly name: buy another or marry somebody. I willingly and whole-heartedly chose the latter.

I am not turning my back against my dad’s name, it’s just that “Sheenah B. Tan” sounds funny enough during graduations and stuff. I’m glad I’ll be getting rid of it, but I’ll always have a “Tan” flowing in my blood stream.

So, if you all don’t mind, you might as well welcome me as Mrs. Sheenah dela Cruz come Sunday. Cheers!

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You guys know that.

It’s just sinking in to me. I’m getting married. Finally, I’m feeling the most exciting part of my wedding. Dave and I have been busy working on the wedding — from the souvenirs, the guest list, documents to our own jobs that fund for the entire wedding. During those times I just thought okay I’m getting married, but now I’m thinking, I AM FINALLY GETTING MARRIED!

I admit that it wasn’t easy preparing for our really simple wedding. It was stressful and fun at the same time. And now that the wedding date’s getting closer and the preparations are all done, I only feel excited for me and Dave.

Dave and I have lots of people to thank for. To start with, we thank Floyd of SEO Philippines, Enzo, Earl, Derek and his supportive teammates. Enzo and Earl have been keeping us company in our humble abode.

We also thank our former boss (whose name I’d rather not disclose) who has kept me busy with lots of tasks. Ninong!

To my Plurkmates who were nothing but supportive (Dyza, Niña, Irish, Ninyo, Mico, Brinks…) To my Facebook chums whom I haven’t seen in ages (Tat, Ronjoy, Vhin, Lee, Jonas, Marvi, Lorie Genn…)

I thank my high school friends Aldo, JB, Olga, Mark, Jan Allen, Paul…

We thank Dave’s clients who’s been very generous to him.

My sisters Sharon and Shelani, Zeus and Jelai (you keep mamu proud!), Jayson and Carlo.

I thank my mom and dad who’s always been supportive and insanely excited about the wedding.

To Lola Fely who gives Dave lots of love.

To Rev. Ben Garcia for giving Dave and I advices and spiritual guidance.

To God who has always been there (even though we often don’t notice it). This is all for you.

————————————————————–

On February 28, my surname will change (at last!) but above all, Dave and I will change our life as well.

So this is the feeling of getting married. Indescribable but exquisitely fresh.

Here’s to the future Mr. and Mrs. John David dela Cruz.

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